Speaking out...

I've always been pretty out spoken on my dislike of guns. I think this dislike of guns has confused many into believing that this means I am anti-gun. I am not anti-gun and I am 100% for the second amendment. I believe it is the peoples right to defend themselves. My dislike of guns probably stems from the fact that as a teenager, one of my best friends little brothers was accidentally killed while playing with a gun. I do not believe however that this is a reason to do away with guns. If we lived in a sin free world than I could see that no guns would be feasible but we do not. We live in a world of chaos which will only continue to decline until the coming of the Lord. Outlawing guns will only hurt the good people, because the bad people will continue to break the law as they always have.

Growing up, I can't remember a time when my grandfather (mother's side) did not have a gun on his person. He was always cleaning them. It was nothing to have numerous grandchildren running around while this was taking place but no one ever got hurt. As an ex 82nd airborne division in the army (Korean War Veteran), my grandfather instilled in us the knowledge that guns were always to be assumed loaded and were not toys.

There is alot of argument over whether automatic guns should be allowed and here's my argument for that. When we Americans first gained our independence as a country over a tyrannical government, it was achieved because the people still had what was the times version of an automatic rifle. We are facing hard times. We are facing a world that wants to take those freedoms we once fought for. Even our founding fathers spoke about this...

"A free people ought not only be armed and disciplined, but they should have sufficient arms and ammunition to maintain a status of independence from any who might attempt to abuse them. Which would include their own government." - George Washington

"The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government." - Thomas Jefferson

"Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both" - Benjamin Franklin

My great great great grandfather (father's side) immigrated to this country in 1793 and was friends with Thomas Jefferson. I wonder how he would feel about the world today, if he would disappointed!

Both of my grandfathers fought for this country, one in the Korean War and one in World War II. Along with great grandfathers in the Civil War, etc... We need to stop demeaning what these men fought for and what our soldiers are still out there fighting for everyday!!!

What we need to realize is that, guns don't kill people, people kill people. If we better educate people than our world might be alittle bit different. Not only do we not educate the people, but we spend our time trying to change history. The old saying is, a people who doesn't learn from history is doomed to repeat it, well how much worse off will a people be that tries to change their history to their liking.

The signs of the times are here. Wake up, if you don't  know Jesus Christ as your personal savior, start seeking him today!

                                                               Just my voice, Sasha

Just the way you are!

Isaac and I was having a discussion tonight about babies in mommies tummies, (not sure what brought it on) he seemed already well informed but curious. After several normal questions and answers, out of the blue he said, 'do babies who are born with Autism get it from the umbilical cord?' I said, 'sweetie, they don't really know what causes Autism.' He just sat there thinking, so I said, 'maybe someday you'll become a great scientist and figure it out.' And he just smiled and said, 'maybe I will!'

I can remember when he was first diagnosed with Autism, we were devastated but now I see him for what he truly is, he's so very bright and so different in such a wonderful way. It's who he is, who they are, and I can understand why Temple Grandin said that if someone gave her a cure, she wouldn't take it.
Because let me say, my babies are perfect just the way they are!

                                                                                                    ~Sincerely, Sas



“I am different, not less ” 

“In an ideal world the scientist should find a method to prevent the most severe forms of autism but allow the milder forms to survive. After all, the really social people did not invent the first stone spear. It was probably invented by an Aspie who chipped away at rocks while the other people socialized around the campfire. Without autism traits we might still be living in caves.” 
― Temple Grandin

New Year's again...

It's seems like New Year's resolution time seems to always be looming. I feel like I always make all of the same resolutions that I never seem to keep, mainly 'lose weight'. This year, I've decided not to focus so much on resolutions and just focus on trying to find a happier, healthier me. I know that doesn't sound like much, but it is big. I've realized that for quite some time, I've been really beating myself up over something that was out of my hands. Earlier today I posted this on facebook...

The more people tell me I'm better off, the more I realize the real problem is forgiving myself! So that's my New Years res, letting go and letting God!

So, I received responses like, what do you have to forgive yourself for, you didn't do anything wrong, you did what you had to do.

But you see, that's just it. I did it. I actually asked for the divorce. I was the one that actually went against my beliefs and standards as a christian and asked for the divorce. Sure I was justified, sure my life was in the worst possible place, sure I was protecting my children and myself, but nevertheless, I actually did it. And I've literally hated myself for it. I've spent the last year and a half reassuring myself through scripture,

(But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. 1 Cor 7:15)

And I can truly say, I was not at peace. I gave him chance after chance. And you might say, but if you asked for the divorce, how was the unbeliever the departing one. Well because, his actions proved he didn't want us, he wanted out but just didn't want to be the one to do it. Yes, he did hurt me in so many ways I can't even begin to describe, but I still say, nevertheless...

Nevertheless, my heart hurts. I remember the good and think, I should have clinged to that. I see happy families and wonder what have I deprived my babies of. I see just how much worse he's gotten and wonder if it was my fought. Did I give up too soon? I know what you're all saying, because many of you have told me personally... You did give it your best, your all, much more than most. Yet I still hear my babies cries, mommy, why can't y'all get back together. How does one handle that, the pain can be overwhelming.

I've watched him, with her, ever since our divorce and I know that he thinks he is happy in his life without God (a man who used to walk with God close enough to preach His word), and I know I could never be.  (then reason for inevitability)
I need God, everyday, every waking moment. My Lord and savior is everything. And if something so horrible as divorce is what it took to remind me of that, then so be it.
So this year, I've resolved to focus on God. On restoring my life for my children and myself, and most importantly,
learning to forgive myself, learning to let go, learning to let God. Because above all else, I know God has a plan for my life and He would never place more on me than I can handle.

I pray and ask you all to pray with me, that God gives me the strength to handle this endeavor. I know I'll still have bad days, but in those days, let me be reminded that God is for me and my kids.

That we can have a brighter 2013 and future!

~ Sincerely,
   Sasha

Faith

Have you ever felt like Job? Like everything is just failing in around you. For me the last few years have been just that, a perpetual valley,with what seems like no end in sight. Two of my three children diagnosed with Autism. My marriage was failing apart, so I changed my major, just to get out. Lost my home, forced to live with my mom again. Lost my husband, now he is happily taking care of someone else, even though that's all I ever asked of him. Still suck at mom's after three years because I can't afford rent, with my poor babies sleeping on sofas. Having my mouth semi-paralysed. Watching my sweet granny continue to decline. Praying everyday that God will smack my brother upside the head and help him and his family. Just watched my daddy move hundreds of miles away, when we were starting to get close. Everyday constant pain, but having to smile anyway....

It's enough to break anyone, which is why I'm constantly surprised by the people who get mad at me for being sad. A true friend would help see me through and pray for me and lift us up, not stomp us down.

Having said all of that, I can say, yes, there are days when I want to cry out to God, screaming, why have you forsaken me, where are you? What it boils down to is, we let the devil in. We were hurting and didn't stand strong in God. But through this storm, God has helped me rediscover His way, His path, and I stand in faith that He will see us through. Many say let it go, God says stand true on His promises and His word and He will see me through. As I continue through this valley, I now do it believing God is there with me and I realize that it may get darker before the end, because it has, but I know that it is all part of the plan.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God. -Romans 8:28

Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. -James 1:3

For those of you who didn't know us in our earlier marriage, you probably don't realize just how on fire for God we were. We had our youth pastor preach at our wedding in hopes that our lost loved ones would find God through our blessed union. We believed God called us to missions and even had a location. And yes, he preached with the fire and anointing of God. And even began live a holy restrictive life. We promised in a covenant of marriage our lives before God, a covenant with God, and to raise up our children in the way they should go. Somewhere along the way, we lost our way, got off the path. I do believe God allowed our divorce to protect us. That was a road I couldn't follow. But if that was what it took to find the path again than so be it. Regardless of all, it was still a covenant with all mighty God and I will cling to His promises and will not let go of my family until He tells me too, if he ever does. In the mean time, I'm going to pray and believe and allow God to lead the way!    

So instead of the gossip and backbiting. Instead of putting me down and discouraging me. Why don't you all join with me in faith and lift me up? Pray with me, that God will see us through. He honors the prayers of His children together.
And I pray that God helps me to surrender it all to Him. It's in His hands. I believe Lord that you are able and faithful and you will see us through!

Lord, I believe; help thou my unbelief. -Mark 9:24
I stand in faith on the promises of God. Lord Jesus, WHATEVER IT TAKES!

My earnest prayer,
Sasha

Pain...

The closer it gets to Halloween, the more I'm reminded that on that day, three years ago, my family was torn apart. That was the day we were forced from our home and our lives were forever changed. I have that day burned in my memory, forever pain, forever broken. I've prayed ever since that he'd prove he wanted us. I feel more broken than ever but have to keep my faith in God and know that ultimately we're in his hands and he has a plan. One and a half years separated, pleading the whole time he'd prove he wanted us, that he'd make a way to put our family back together. Then it was just too much, but that hurt me more than anyone could ever know, making that decision. So now, one and a half years divorced, still praying the whole time that God will remind him of who he is, that He'll bring him back to us, to his family. My heart hurts so much more for him everyday. God, I pray, whatever it takes! He has lost site of God and chosen the world over his family and his ministry but I know God has got a plan, I don't know where that plan leads but I pray everyday that good comes from this pain!

I was listening to this wonderful song by Sanctus Real, called Lead Me. I just broke down because it describes me and all I ever wanted from my husband, to a T. Is it really to much to ask for security?

Here's a few bars...

Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about love?
Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone...

That is so powerful and describes exactly what the Bible says the husband should be. He is suppose to support his family and see to all the needs of the family; financially, emotionally, and spiritually. And as a former preacher, he knows, whether he admits it or not. Some days I just feel so alone, I know God is with me but I can't begin to explain. Some days I just feel bitter at all the people who played a role, especially him but I know that's wrong and it is keeping me from healing. Now I find my biggest obstacles are of course the obvious, getting out of my mom's. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful she took us in but my babies and I need to move forward, so I'm praying God makes a way where there seems to be no way. And of course, the not so obvious, well to some, but first and foremost to me, on my mind everyday. How to precede, some days I feel like it's my duty to pray God brings him back to our family, other days I feel maybe I should be asking God to send us someone else, after all he's moved on with someone else but then I automatically feel like that is so wrong. I've stayed faithful to my marriage vows and believe what God joins together, let no man tear asunder, and that's all a divorce really is. A human, a law saying okay you're no longer bound, but when you're married in a church under the eyes and blessing of God... Well I feel like God is the only one who can say, yes it's okay to move on now. If God wants me to move on, than He will make my heart ready for that and put that perfect person in my path, because my life is in His hands. In the mean time I will continue to focus on my relationship with God and taking care of my babies and we'll forever pray that God convicts his heart and brings him back to Him. My upmost prayer, Thank you Jesus!

Sincerely,

                                                       Sas

Listen!

I had an epiphany a few days ago and posted it on facebook. However I decided to reiterate it by reposting it here, more for myself then anyone else, as a reminder to continue to move forward!

...

So very happy God lead me back to Canaan A/G. I couldn't begin to tell you how lonely it feels to serve God and try to follow Him without a group of Godly people standing with you. I've been there and let me tell those who think you can, it's too hard to do alone and completely unnecessary. You may feel that this or that church has hurt you but that doesn't define all churches or all Christians, so don't be discouraged and listen to God's leading!

Autism Awareness

Many of you know of our struggle with Autism. As an Autism 'supermom' I've encouraged you all to support us in various fundraisers, prayers, walks, tshirt sells, etc... for our group Orr-iginals. And you've all been wonderfully supportive! As I'm sure you are aware that Isaac was diagnosed with Autism at age 3. He is now 10 and is progressing wonderfully. Many of you know that we have always suspected Paige as well but had trouble getting an official diagnoses. What you may not know is that she did receive an official diagnoses of Aspergers this summer at age 7. Neither of these diagnoses change the wonderful people they are. My children are my life, all three of them.
I just finished reading the book, "The Golden Hat: Talking back to Autism" It has prompted me to reach out to my dear family and friends once again. First off, read this book! I have struggled so many times with all that I've gone through, and have had so many people tell me how can you still praise God. As a single mom with three wonderful children, two of which just happen to have Autism, I say I am richly blessed by my God. It could be much worse and I know that He will see us through.
I dearly love my children and want to bring awareness to this so very misunderstood disorder. Today I don't write asking for money, but just prayer and support for those with Autism, in the style of this book. I don't have a hat to pass but just show your support by taking a picture of yourself in any hat and include a personal quote. Post it on my blog or on my facebook, just to show the world of Autism families you care and are praying!

Thank you,
Supermommy of Chris, Isaac & Paige
(Sasha)

"Never give up!"
"Hats, what hat do you wear in life? Choose your path wisely!"
- Sas

My babies in their hats! Paige's quote, "bubbletastic!"



A few quotes from the book:

"I wish everybody would work together to get constructive things done in the world." - Temple Grandin
"I'm here, and I love you." - Kate Winslet
"It's not who we are inderneath but what we do that defines us." - Zac Efron


Poem from Keli (the boy with nonverbal Autism the book is based on)-

Life is a Bigger Puzzle

Most children look like their parents
But my brothers look so different
I want to learn about genes
Life is actually a puzzle
People think only Autism is puzzle
But Life is bigger puzzle
                           -Keli