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Friday, November 9, 2012


Have you ever felt like Job? Like everything is just failing in around you. For me the last few years have been just that, a perpetual valley,with what seems like no end in sight. Two of my three children diagnosed with Autism. My marriage was failing apart, so I changed my major, just to get out. Lost my home, forced to live with my mom again. Lost my husband, now he is happily taking care of someone else, even though that's all I ever asked of him. Still suck at mom's after three years because I can't afford rent, with my poor babies sleeping on sofas. Having my mouth semi-paralysed. Watching my sweet granny continue to decline. Praying everyday that God will smack my brother upside the head and help him and his family. Just watched my daddy move hundreds of miles away, when we were starting to get close. Everyday constant pain, but having to smile anyway....

It's enough to break anyone, which is why I'm constantly surprised by the people who get mad at me for being sad. A true friend would help see me through and pray for me and lift us up, not stomp us down.

Having said all of that, I can say, yes, there are days when I want to cry out to God, screaming, why have you forsaken me, where are you? What it boils down to is, we let the devil in. We were hurting and didn't stand strong in God. But through this storm, God has helped me rediscover His way, His path, and I stand in faith that He will see us through. Many say let it go, God says stand true on His promises and His word and He will see me through. As I continue through this valley, I now do it believing God is there with me and I realize that it may get darker before the end, because it has, but I know that it is all part of the plan.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God. -Romans 8:28

Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. -James 1:3

For those of you who didn't know us in our earlier marriage, you probably don't realize just how on fire for God we were. We had our youth pastor preach at our wedding in hopes that our lost loved ones would find God through our blessed union. We believed God called us to missions and even had a location. And yes, he preached with the fire and anointing of God. And even began live a holy restrictive life. We promised in a covenant of marriage our lives before God, a covenant with God, and to raise up our children in the way they should go. Somewhere along the way, we lost our way, got off the path. I do believe God allowed our divorce to protect us. That was a road I couldn't follow. But if that was what it took to find the path again than so be it. Regardless of all, it was still a covenant with all mighty God and I will cling to His promises and will not let go of my family until He tells me too, if he ever does. In the mean time, I'm going to pray and believe and allow God to lead the way!    

So instead of the gossip and backbiting. Instead of putting me down and discouraging me. Why don't you all join with me in faith and lift me up? Pray with me, that God will see us through. He honors the prayers of His children together.
And I pray that God helps me to surrender it all to Him. It's in His hands. I believe Lord that you are able and faithful and you will see us through!

Lord, I believe; help thou my unbelief. -Mark 9:24
I stand in faith on the promises of God. Lord Jesus, WHATEVER IT TAKES!

My earnest prayer,

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