Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Sometimes I feel like my life is approaching a crossroads. Unlike that 17 year old girl who was so sure of life, I now have life experience and feel terrified by the roads that lay before me. The biggest problem is, I can't even see what is down either path, not even alittle. I feel like a kid who is unsure about what she wants to be when she grows up. So all I can do is pray that God helps me choose the right road because more than ever, the choices I make effects more than just myself. My choices effect my babies. I feel like there is a war going on inside my brain and I'm not sure which side is best. I don't know if my previous decisions were right or wrong ( I thought they were right at the time) but I can't change them. So I don't know if God wants me to walk forward and choose a path, then which path if that's the case or if he wants me to pray that my past makes a full turn around for my future. The war inside me says that my past is what God chose and I should cling to that, but there is also that other part that says maybe God took you out of that because that's not where he wants you or your children to be because its not a healthy place anymore and he has greater plans for you down the road. I know I'm talking in riddles, I feel the riddles, I feel confused. And I know that no one understands me or at least that's how I feel but I have to keep faith that God understands and he knows what's best and he will lead me in this choice because I can't do it alone, not anymore!